A Few Days Before August Rent is Due, 2005 - It was mostly sweet, but like all good things in my life they eventually come to an end. With a female no longer in the equation I've found my days freed up to do even more drinking and smoking, and maybe even writing online. To celebrate, I've gone back to chain-smoking Camel Wides, which in terms of manliness is like a man plus a smaller, much meaner man surgically grafted to his outer thigh.

The "kickass thing" I mentioned in my previous greasy bar-napkin update is probably never gonna happen, and it's just as well. I should probably stay Stateside and take into consideration the more important things in life, like why I'm still living in this apartment, or (you guessed it, suspense fans) why I'm not drinking more and smoking more. My throat was sore this morning so I feel I've made some progress, but I won't be completely happy until my morning toilet is a direct transcription from someone's truckstop comedy routine. Now I know what my dad was talking about when he constantly joked about having to take a fork to the bathroom with him whenever he was going to "make the messies" as my grandmother would say. And here I just thought he was a liar. The apple never falls far from the tree, does it pop? In a couple of years we can get matching dialysis machines!

I might be making comics for a local rag, zine, publi...publication... I have no fucking clue what those things in a messy stack at the corner of the bars are. I held one of them up with the intention of staring straight through an attractive woman's blouse over the top of the page, but I noticed a shout-out to anyone who wanted to do comics for them. I thumbed through it only to discover that I'm really fucking awesome at drawing. At least in comparison. I emailed the guy and just today got a response saying he enjoyed my comics. It was like a much more local version of how things used to be when people were actively interested in reading amateur-hour webcomics, and then telling the artist what they thought about it.

Since there's apparently still a half-assed influx of visitors to this site, I would guess that maybe you thought I was doing this shit Maddox-style, updating whenever I felt like it and falling back on massive word-of-mouth and steadfast dedication to keep popular. I'm not going to lie to you. I was this close to concocting a three-month-long ruse where I got cancer, slowly turned into a vegetable and then had my mom write an update about how I'll be sorely missed. It's just lucky for you that I generally have nothing better to do than update the interweb in one form or another. So on that note, I'll probably be re-opening my dying mule of a website for the few months it has left before the domain expires. Feel free to tell your friends and enemies, I might even spend a whole evening redesigning it too.

Until then do what I've always told you to though nobody listens: go to this loaf of a site for now instead. Meanwhile, click that sweet mahogany chairleg of a link just below, or just click the period at the end of this sentence.